Why are the Angry Birds so Angry?

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I'??m an equal opportunity procrastinator. In addition to a pretty bad Twitter habit (did you know the only known 12-Step program for Twitter is on Twitter?) I have a number of random apps on my iPhone that ensure I get no work done. At the insistence of a niece I eagerly downloaded Angry Birds. Ok, I downloaded the free version, then I downloaded the not so free version, which was followed up by the '??HD for iPad'? version. I'??m an easy hook. Sue me.

Anyway, random apps are only seconded by my need to read every Yahoo! news story that shows up in the little slideshow at the top of the screen (please tell me I'??m not alone), which, one day, lead to my learning that Angry Birds has been downloaded some 350 million times and accounts for nearly $1.5 billion in productivity loses. Personally, I can see why. There couldn'??t be anything more fun then knocking over green helmet-wearing blobs with big noses out of structures that were obviously not built to current seismic code using animated characters that have a vague resemblance to birds. You know you'??ve tried it. And I bet you liked it too.

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So all of this reading of Angry Birds and playing of Angry Birds and getting absolutely no work done in the mean time got me thinking '?? What would have make those birds just a little happier? Now I'??m no bird therapist and I can'??t say that I know any bird-whisperers but I will say that I have an eagle-eye for finding solutions (Do you like the bird related pun in there? Just for you my readers'?¦.). My thinking is this, maybe, just maybe those birds weren'??t into the architecture of traditional bird houses. Maybe the white pelican (I think he'??s a pelican'?¦ guessing here'?¦.) was a Neutra fan. Or that family of blue robins? Probably liked Danish Modernism. Heaven forbid the Cardinal have to live in something other than a house of Googie fame. Off to Google I went (and with it another half hour in productivity) in search of houses for our fine-feathered friends with more refined architectural tastes.

For the Hipster Nest Dweller:

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The Wave by KoolBird artist Mark Ellis

It'??s kinda like vintage airstream meets Mel'??s Diner with a 50s Cadillac hood ornament all done up in wood. You know that Christopher Walken'??s birds would have nested here when he lived underground in a bomb shelter (actually he was a little batty himself). Did I mention it is constructed of recycled tropical hardwoods and water based finishes? Hot Googie architecture meets eco-sensibilities. Just don'??t hit it with the fins on your Edsel ok? Availabile via Etsy.

For the Case Study:

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Modern Birdhouses by architect Dali Dixon

No more lighthouses and Victorian manses for these birdies. Ralph Rapson has come to the rescue and he'??s brought his friends J.R. Davidson and Richard Neutra. It'??s all flat roofs and functional adornment for this gang. Did someone say sustainably harvested teak and sandblasted aluminum? These houses are for the birds headed to Palm Springs for the Modernism Fair or drinks at the Parker. Seriously, your birds will think they were shooting a cover for Dwell Magazine. From Wieler Products.

With Foreign Diplomacy in Mind:

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Vogelhaus by German Architects Raumhochrosen

You'??ll need to bear with me for a moment as the entire site is in German. And not German with the little British flag in the upper right corner either. Did I mention I can'??t find my translate button? No matter as we all know if anyone can get the International Style down pat it is our Deutsch neighbors overseas. You won'??t be able to understand their chirps but I can assure you they'??ll be saying Dankeschön. Where is Wayne Newton when you need him? Direct via Raumhochrosen (Entirely in German, well hidden under '??mobiles'? and '??Vogelhaus'?)

For the Graves Admirer:

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Cube Birdhouse by Loll Designs

Maybe your bird is from Atlanta and spent a little time perched atop a peach tree scoping out the architecture of Michael Graves. Sure this wouldn'??t be his primary residence (who can resist the views of the city?) but it certainly would suffice as a second home (for when he heads south?). The architecture is nice but you know me, I'??m all about the green and this one (while saving a little bit of the dinero in your wallet'?¦ perfect post-recession architecture) is entirely made of recycled plastic milk jugs. Shut up right? Milk '?? Does a body and your bird good! Available from Loll Designs.

There you have it'?¦. I think I'??ve figured out the issue with Angry Birds. I'??ll take my commission now.

Brandon Smith is principal of the San Diego based spatial design company D.Coop. Focusing on sustainable, workable, and budget friendly design, he provides In The Box solutions to Out of the Box questions.
You can follow him on Twitter @dcoopsd

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