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If It Was Easy, They'd Call The Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon

Last weekend I spent Sunday morning at urgent care with a UTI. It was no laughing matter, but I was laughing so loud, the nurses started giving me dirty looks. And it was all the fault of Jenna McCarthy and her new book If It Was Easy, They'd Call the Whole Damn Thing A Honeymoon.


There are a lot of things that Jenna McCarthy isn't: an Oscar award-winning actress (yet, unless you consider this), once married to Jim Carey (you're thinking of her), or even a certified marriage expert. But she is funny as hell. Plus she's a best-selling author, ex-radio host, soon-to-be TED speaker and written a gazillion articles about everything from sex toys and surfing to toddlers and how to take a compliment. In her latest book, she tackles marriage and as the subheading reads "Living with and Loving the TV-Addicted, Sex-Obsessed, Not-So-Handy Man You Married." (Notice she says YOU married; her husband is an absolute gem.)


For the record, Jenna isn't officially a doctor - unless you count a Ph.D. in Funny (and maybe one in potty-mouths) but her book doles out useful relationship advice on all those issues that impact every couple - money, sex, communication, the bathroom, gift-giving, co-sleeping, home improvement and who gets the remote remote to name a few. In addition to an endless array of hilarious episodes from her own 13-year marriage to Joe, Jenna also includes a number of research studies, both the interesting (The more housework people do - male or female - the more sex they have) and the can't-believe-they-paid-someone-to-study-this (When men are shown a picture of a woman, surprise, surprise, a majority will first look at her breasts).

The book is full of handy tips. Take for example, her advice on conversation: "Stop expecting your husband to be a chick. The mere fact that he does not have a vagina...means that he does not, will not and cannot keep your conversational pace." (pg. 9)

On ways to help your "sick" husband get better faster: "Refuse to have sex with him until he has been symptom free for a week. It's amazing how a man who is too weak to fetch his own aspirin can muster enough energy to grope/proposition/fling himself on top of his partner, but somehow they seem to manage it." (pg. 92)

On sex: "People often complain that their married sex has gotten old and routine. Well, frankly, so has brushing your teeth after lo these many years, but you keep doing it because it's good for you." (pg. 126)

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Along with recounting hilarious episodes from her own marriage, If It Was Easy is peppered with eye-opening, real-life tales from women whose husbands do things like stuff tissue balls in their nose when they're sick, leave kitchen cabinets open EVERY TIME they take something out, demand that the bathmat not get wet, use the hair dryer to dry their rear post-shower and get excited when their poop looks like a sea animal. (A porpoise, if you must know.)

There's no magic marital secret in this book. No perfect formula for fixing your man. But through the anecdotes of Jenna and disgruntled wives everywhere, the cumulative message of the book is this:


Sure your husband can't find the mustard to save his life, but at least he doesn't buy you gas station stuffed animals as your Christmas present. He may snore like a chainsaw, but at least he doesn't tape a Tom Selleck movie over your wedding video. Your guy has flaws! But so do you. And the fun of marriage is figuring out how to live with each other.

So check out her book trailer below (yes, that's really her and her husband), read an excerpt here and then get thee to Amazon/Target/Costco/Barnes & Nobel and order. You'll laugh, you'll cry (from laughing) and it may possibly cure UTIs*

* will not cure UTIs.

Kate Bayless is a writer and editor, and nearly peed her pants reading about a gift Jenna's husband got her on page 170.
You can visit her at and @katebayless.

Momtrends was not paid for this post. We did receive a sample for review purposes.

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